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“BOUNDARIES, ATTACHMENTS, AND ASSIGNMENTS; DEAR JAMELA WHEN WILL YOU FINALLY CHOOSE YOU?”

It hurts but I’m going to do something with it, this dark night of the soul experience is hitting so differently right now because unlike the past my heart is no longer hardened instead my posture is being changed from “Savior” to simply “Jamela”. I couldn’t save him and even though my life is going pretty well (praise God) and I am finally happy in my own spirit.. I was oddly feeling guilty again because per the usual I felt like I didn’t deserve to be genuinely happy. I instead, deserved to have stayed in a situation that was killing me; hair falling out, massive weight gain with a cortisol belly, acne worse than an adolescent pre-teen and extreme restlessness.. 

So, why did I stay in a relationship that was never meant to last?

Because, I’m obedient. Because, at the end of the day.. I had to truly learn the real meaning of boundaries, assignments and attachments. 

Boundaries: Say no to any person, place or thing that makes me feel uncomfortable or compromised, walk away from toxic situations, stop sacrificing yourself so that others can be comfortable & respect the validity of what emotions communicate through me. You are worthy of love so act like it.

Assignments: God will place people or even animals in your life for a season. He either wants you to help another individual get closer to him or he wants you to be helped by another to further your walk in Christ. This relationships have an expiration date however they are beyond POWERFUL. 

Attachments: A person or even a place that is past their designated season and now because the energy is unmatched it now has the potential to set you back and hold you down in an energy that Christ has delivered you from. They suck your life force with low vibrational actions such as envy, jealousy, greed, lust, etc. 

You want to know something funny? After I found out that I was pregnant, I had no intent on being in a relationship with him. All the chasing, begging and pick me behavior was so exhausting.. So, I was done. His eagerness to come together and my lack of boundaries (at the time) proved to be a real tough lesson for me. 

Back track to a month. The winds are whistling so loud that it seems as though all the windows are open. The palm leaves are ferociously swaying back and forth making a violent noise of their own. Its raining so hard that the sky is completely void of any color. I am panicking on the inside but I dont show it and around 11:30 AM my power hoes out and will stay thst way for about 5 days. I’m currently in the midst of Hurricane Milton and its brutal. 

The eye of the storm made its way through Tampa and as it did, I couldn’t help but remember how my son reacted in the midst of it. I told him to stay away from the windows and tried to keep him occupied because he could not sleep with all the racket from outside. Naturally, he didn’t listen so as he was running away from the window and into my arms.. He looked at me. Not just any look but a look of reassurance. His tiny little self slowed down to survey the emotions of everyone in the room. When he stopped at my face, I knew that I had to hide everything that I was feeling so that I could be an adequate safe space for him. 

And just like that, he never cried or was even scared because he trusted me to keep him safe throughout the storm. Praise God.

This is just another storm and season and much like in that prior natural disaster my son is looking at me and what he sees in me is what his little spirit will depend on.

My son’s existence is one that holds much power and light and I know for a fact that his birth was divinely orchestrated for a time such as this, it wasnt my plan however he has proven to be such a honorable assignment.

He chose me. Both God & my son! And from conception, I accepted all that would be expected of me and all that is to come! 

And because I know who I am & whose I am, I am now capable of shaping a positive and very strong identity within my son. And I expect that same caliber from anyone who decides to embark in this journey alongside us because it is that serious and when I’m being blessed by God it is my civic duty to honor that blessing. 

You want to laugh? 

I got a self portrait of myself tattooed on my thigh because I was so lost in this world. I lacked real purpose, real fulfillment. Real happiness, real joy. I was born with a knowing that I was meant for SO MUCH and my life just wasn’t reflecting that. 

How come?

I was doing whatever I wanted in this flesh and all it did was destroy me. 

Fast forward to now..

My flesh has given birth and been a rebirth into an identity and personality that I could not have EVER discovered on my own. 

How would you feel if tomorrow when you woke up, you didn’t recognize who you saw because what you now see isn’t identified in society. Instead it’s rooted and embedded in the light?

It gets dark for us all but that doesn’t mean that that has to become our identity. I’m a firm believer in starting over as many times as needed because honestly whats the alternative?

Its ok. It doesnt have to make sense now. 

Trust.

Believe. 

Follow. 

Then SURRENDER. 

Its time to cover up my tattoo now and it finally makes sense why I got it. The process of the tattoo was the lesson. If you are open and receptive God will use everything to open up your mind to enable your spirit.

What is YOUR current process? 





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