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Showing posts from December, 2024

"THE PSYCHOLOGICAL EFFECTS OF A COMPLIMENT: BODY DYSPHORMIA or ARROGANCE - THERE IS NO IN BETWEEN"

I don't think that there is an another human being that looks at themselves as thoroughly as I do before I leave the house so you can imagine how annoyed I feel whenever I have wardrobe malfunctions. For instance, on that day, I spent the better half of my day being told (and feeling) that my skirt was riding up in the back. The "skirt" aforementioned is a tennis skirt with shorts which was my only saving grace that day. I happen to really like the style however it just doesn’t work with my curves. Anyone else might have just counted it as a loss and might not have been as wounded as I was about it. Heres why I feel like my clothes betray me, childhood trauma. From the time that I got my period and hit a little growth spurt the world starting treating me differently. With my innocence already gone due to being molested as a child, I felt totally unprepared for what was to come. In middle school, I have had grown men try to take me home, follow me home and literally had a ...

“BOUNDARIES, ATTACHMENTS, AND ASSIGNMENTS; DEAR JAMELA WHEN WILL YOU FINALLY CHOOSE YOU?”

It hurts but I’m going to do something with it, this dark night of the soul experience is hitting so differently right now because unlike the past my heart is no longer hardened instead my posture is being changed from “Savior” to simply “Jamela”. I couldn’t save him and even though my life is going pretty well (praise God) and I am finally happy in my own spirit.. I was oddly feeling guilty again because per the usual I felt like I didn’t deserve to be genuinely happy. I instead, deserved to have stayed in a situation that was killing me; hair falling out, massive weight gain with a cortisol belly, acne worse than an adolescent pre-teen and extreme restlessness..  So, why did I stay in a relationship that was never meant to last? Because, I’m obedient. Because, at the end of the day.. I had to truly learn the real meaning of boundaries, assignments and attachments.  Boundaries: Say no to any person, place or thing that makes me feel uncomfortable or compromised, walk away fro...