“222 : TRAILBLAZING UNKNOWN PATHS OF SELF DISCOVERY VIA THE HUMILITY OF CHANGE”

I don’t think highly of myself. I never have and I really think that that confuses people. I’ve been told that I’m mysterious and with every change it appears that I hide only to reemerge brand new. 

It would seem as though that I live my life as if there was some truth to be revealed when in all actuality I just live. When my life calls for a transition I’m not concerned about involving anyone as I begin the lengthy and all consuming process of starting over. Instead I have learned to rely on God which typically means isolation. 

Webster defines change as the following;

• To make different in some particular: Alter
• To make radically different: Transform
• To give a different position, course, or direction to
• To replace with another to make a shift from one to another - Switch
• To exchange for an equivalent sum of money
• To undergo a modification of
• To put fresh clothes or covering on

The definitions were even broken down into transitive and intransitive verbs. So the word change is a multifaceted term all in itself. So naturally, we should expect the same layered experience when we begin the process ourselves right? 

There’s something so profound about a new beginning, a new chapter and/or a new path! It may seem fleeting to witness your own evolution or that of another because of how engulfing and delicate it can be. However with every change you are unlocking intelligence, spiritual growth and an enthusiasm for the wholesome things that matter in life. Each juncture requires you to acquire a certain level of discernment which helps you to better grasp and understand the newfound wisdom that you have attained. 

So, if change is so liberating why is it depicted as something so sinisterly daunting? 

I think the best visual of this would be the “Covergirl” episode of “Sex and The City” Disclaimer: I used to be obsessed with this show and somehow thought that I needed it to survive my twenties. It instead more than likely made me toxic and superficial however there were some key points and takeaways that kind of made me think. 

In Season 5, Episode 4; Charlotte, Miranda, Samantha, and Carrie all meet at a book store in lieu of Carries’ new book coming out. She’s both excited and nervous about how she wants to look on the book cover so they all decide to help her envision how she wants to look. Meanwhile Miranda just had her baby and wanted to find a book that’ll help her lose weight and Charlotte newly divorced wanted to find a book called “Starting Over Yet Again” to help her transition back into single hood. 

When Charlotte got to the self help aisle of the bookstore she was met with people hysterically crying while reading their books there was even a highlight on a woman that spoke to Charlotte telling her that the book she had in her hand really helped her. Embarrassed, Charlotte pretends that she is looking for another aisle. And when Miranda asks her about the book she shushes her as her way of telling her not to bring it up again. 

Charlotte however still wants the book so she decides to go on the internet to order it. Everything was seemingly fine until she kept receiving ads for other self help books then out of frustration she throws the book out of the window. 

This is an actual depiction of how we neglect ourselves due to the stigma of “self help”. Sadly this is a worldly concept of sweep it under the rug like it doesn’t exist and when its existence begins to permeate distract yourself so that you can continue to pretend that you are alright. Some people even take it a step further by surrounding themselves with people who also turn a blind eye to their neglect and shortcomings which further enables said person to willfully live a stagnated life. 

These people are out in the world actually poisoning everyone that they cross paths with because they lack the emotional intelligence that would allow for accountability and empathy they instead choose to hide within you because it’s easier to mask/mesh their unhappiness to your success. 

Change is just so vital!

So, it’s imperative that you be receptive to each time that you are called to walk away from a friendship, job or relationship. You can even be called to walk away from your residence. Perhaps you’ve been in an apartment all your life but now it’s time to buy a house. 

Everyone always says that change is scary because on the other side of it is the unknown. But take it from me, there is no other alternative. It’s either you change or you die. And it won’t be a physical death.. it’ll be a spiritual one which is way worse! You’ll literally become soulless each time that you decline an opportunity to grow. 

Each no will be replaced with a new addiction or distraction until one day you’ll wake up and you won’t be recognizable to yourself.. nothing will satiate your unhappiness making your entire existence a void. 

Seems dramatic right? It’s not. 

I’ve unfortunately witnessed this first hand too many times. I’m tired. It’s tiring. 
And you know what the most important factor about change is? 
YOU CANNOT CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE. ONLY GOD CAN! 
Repeat this as many times as you need to daily, monthly, quarterly, annually and bi-annually. Get it together so that you aren’t wasting energy on a person or circumstance that was not meant to impact you past a certain season. 
It sounds harsh but life is hard so do not waste your valuable healed time on an anything or anyone one that will intentionally derail you from ascending to your higher calling. Have and hone in on your firm boundaries.. AND DO NOT allow anyone to guilt you into lowering your standards. 
Change is a very personal thing and it almost mimics intimacy in a way due to the metamorphosis that occurs as an evolution develops within you should you allow it. I can’t change for someone else nor can I expect someone to change for me. It all comes from within. 
Now don’t get me wrong. I can motivate someone to change and vice versa however I myself cannot facilitate any other change that is not my own nor would I want to. 
I’ve made the conscious decision ten years ago to start living my own life and I have not looked back since. It has recently “costed” me my relationship and a couple of acquaintances however if it’s something that I have outgrown.. I don’t really count it as a loss. 

HOW HAS CHANGE AFFECTED ME IN THE LAST DECADE

• I’m not chasing anyone!!! Not family, not friends, not relationships. I’m here, I matter and I’m worth it! 
  
• I’m done with anger. That stronghold could’ve cost me my life because for years I’ve allowed it to poison me and to dictate nothing but offense into my spirit.
• My grass is green enough! I have since retired looking at anyone else’s life in comparison! I am where I need to be when I need to be there and with whom. 
  
• Gods timing is supreme. I have learned to just fully trust in him in EVERY aspect of my life.
  
• I honestly don’t know anything at all. I’m here to learn and if you are receptive to what I am sharing great if what I say negatively affects you.. I’m not responsible for how you choose to react to my truth.
  
• I’m a light. What does that mean? I will naturally intimidate, confuse, and upset those around me just because. And should this happen AGAIN I’m not responsible.. 
  
• I’m not in the mood for nor will I ever entertain liars, manipulative gaslighters, gossipers, and just overall low vibrational people. You are the company that you keep and I choose to keep wise counsel in my life. I’ve decided that I’m just too tired for the foolishness.
  
• It’s okay for me to be soft. I’m not in survival mode anymore. It’s okay to put away my strategies, blueprints & logistics.
  
• Im the queen of minding my business, drinking my water, exercising & most importantly staying private. My circle is small for a reason and unless said person can help me on a deeper level, I’m just going to smile be polite and take it to the Lord.
  
• If God tells me to remove myself from a job, person, circumstance, place, thing, whatever. I will do so immediately and without warning because being obedient to God means more to me then people pleasing. 

HOW CAN YOU BETTER WELCOME CHANGE INTO YOUR LIFE?

1. Let go of your need to control everything. It’s okay. LET GO! 
2. Stop overthinking. It leads to fear which leads to anxiety which leads to depression all things that cloud your mind and burden your spirit. 
3. Decide right now who you want to be and how you want to present yourself to the world. But I’ll tell you right now, You’ve got two choices. It’s either you are in this world and not of it or you are in this world and fully made it your idol. Choose wisely. 

Remember this when you are faced with change. You cannot defeat a person who won’t accept defeat. 
What does that mean?
I’ll tell you. It means if you fall 70 times get up 7 more times. Keep getting up and until you can’t anymore and when you can’t because to surround yourself with people that are willing to hold your head up, stabilize your legs and secure your arms so that you can still walk with grace. 
Change is on the other side of life. 
Choose life from the moment that you wake up until you go to bed. Choose life until life chooses you back. It will be hard, it will demand ALOT from you.
But what’s the alternative?