“VICE OR ADVICE?” THE ADVISED COLUMN

My fate as I knew it was sealed by the two pregnancy tests that I had just taken.. In disbelief, I layed on the bathroom floor face down laughing to myself.. I remember that I kept saying huh? Really? No! No! No! This can’t be!! Then I would laugh again.. This probably went on for about twenty minutes before I would bolt out of the bathroom and into my car to FaceTime with my sister as if I was having some sort of teen pregnancy that I needed to hide from everyone.   I scheduled an ultrasound within the same week so that I could witness firsthand the heartbeat of my would be legacy. Shocked, I kind of just stared at the screen watching and listening to his strong heartbeat. I found out then that he was 7 weeks old! Again, I had no emotion - I was just too shocked.  I sat in my car afterwards just staring at his ultrasounds which is when I decided to call my sister..  I immediately showed them to her and she cried. Shouldn’t that had been my reaction? Man, I thought t...

 I took a deep breath but not deep enough to smell the residual odor of the red tide that was still lingering along the shore. I finally made it to the beach, it's beauty is always so mesmerizing and leaves me feeling like a kid in the candy store. I decided to put my feet in the water and on my way to the shore I looked down to discover the most sculptural seashells and just had to collect them because these were the kind of seashells that reminded you that nature is really just abstract surrealism. "I have to paint these seashells", I thought to myself as I glanced up at the sky getting lost at the interim where the ocean meets the clouds. It's so tranquil and calming as the subtle waves gently move to and from the shore. Every time that I am at the beach, I always feel like it is the closest thing to heaven. The seagulls are softly squawking up and down the sand and for a Thursday there aren't many people out here. I guess that's a good thing as I prefer a ...

I’m staring at the ceiling while on the floor in my son’s room thinking to myself, “Why aren’t I asleep”? Doesn’t seem like that much of a philosophical question but for me… its life and death. I’m kidding... Wait, am I? (Mhmmm) Sleep is the ultimate sacrifice and when you become a parent, I’d say the number of sleepless nights to account for is however many that exist in eighteen years... So right now, close your eyes and think about the next eighteen years of your life (I want you to really imagine it) then deduct any moments rest that you potentially considered. Did you do it? I’m at the point where I’m considering wearing coffee beans as contact lenses.   Anyways, it’s Mother’s Day (by the time that you are reading this it won’t be) and I just can't believe that I’m a mom to a beautiful and healthy baby boy. It’s true what they say, you don’t know what love is until you’ve wiped someone’s butt…. repeatedly... I’m so in love with being a mom and after 9 months I’m at a poin...

I was listening to an audiobook when it dawned on me, how can people be entirely honest about how they feel.. If they aren’t entirely honest about who they are?  I remember sitting in a therapy session with my psychiatrist and him telling me that I didn’t have to say everything that was on my mind and that I needed to learn discernment when speaking. I was taken aback not offended just confused.. If I don’t say everything that I’m thinking.. How can I truly be honest with myself and those around me? This had been my mentality for about 33 years.. How do I just stop talking? Do I need to stop talking? Or is there a bigger picture here?  In that moment, I had learned that my identity is NOT tied to the things that I say and notice. I had developed an entire persona on being this "honest" person who would tell it like it is and in that moment, I was told that it meant NOTHING . IT ACCOUNTED FOR ZERO PERCENT of who I actually was and man, I was winded after that.  I was yes...