"A bird in a cage is safe but God didn't create birds for that"- Paulo Coelho. This quote has spoken volumes to me because think about it.. A bird whether they are displaying instinctual or learned behaviors does not worry about where they will sleep or how they will get food and yet they thrive so effortlessly. They rely on nature to provide the necessary materials so that they can build their nests in high places and when its time to migrate they get their directional information from the sun, the stars, and by sensing the earths magnetic field and for a small percentage of birds, they rely on their smell. In harsh climates the birds are prepared because they grow extra feathers so that they won't freeze to death.
Now, imagine taking this bird to clip it's wings and put it in a cage.. Instead of leaves and twigs, it has a metal swing. Instead of a fusion of fruit, mealworms, insects etc. they are now subjected to only birdseed.. Instead of migrating during the winter they are pacified with a warm blanket thrown over their cage.. Which bird has a better chance at survival? The one that is living as intended or the one that is safe? I say all of that to say this, if we lived our lives as we ought to do you think that our primary focus would be on mind expansion or bringing to pass our innate purposes effortlessly?
Today, I find myself still healing from my toxic past and when people ask me how I became so mature I jokingly respond that trauma has a way making you wise beyond your years. There were so many times when I did not like myself because of all that I experienced so many times when I felt trapped instead of empowered by the circumstances that I faced (and continue to face) There were countless times when I had to start over and even more times when I asked myself, "Where do I go from here"? Unlike my past self, I now have the understanding that I never in fact lacked any mental expansion and/or the capacity to create a new opportunity for myself.
What I lacked was the strength and focus to look beyond my circumstances to have faith in who I was created to be and more importantly the energy/power that I actually possess. You see, I encaged my own potential and then looked at my past as a justification of how I was currently living. I ignored the specificities of my spirit or "natural programming" to live a life that was overshadowed by underwhelming dark moments that at the time I had not realized I myself was causing. Why would I continuously cause my own suffering?
Society has created an atmosphere that thrives off of our dark pasts and shortcomings. It has taught us all to just buy bigger metal cages for ourselves instead of teaching us to truly be free within our temporary darkness and weaknesses. Day in and day out you will see several advertisements that embellish why you aren't good enough and in the same token will offer you a materialistic entity that is supposed to encourage healing via status and material/objective wealth or beauty. The more you "love" yourself through what you have obtained the less spiritually fulfilled you will feel and the cycle of emptiness will perpetuate your mind into thinking that something is wrong with you - that "something" just keeps growing and slowly attacking your spirit until you are nothing but soft remnants of who you were. What happens to an under stimulated soul?
It devours itself in rumination and perfection because if you are feeling less than at least you can try to control other areas of your life. Right? You can achieve all of your goals while steadily accomplishing things on your bucket list. Meeting sales goals and making your parents proud.. Finding a wife/husband and giving your mother the grandchildren that she has been begging you for every year since you turned 24! (*clears throat* I just want to go on record to say that that last comment WAS NOT about me.. I digress) Making enough money to indulge in habits that numb you because real life and all its liberties is still a testing experience. With all of these luxuries what time is prioritized for rest and how do you effectively quiet your mind? How can you get ahold of what your mind is really capable of if you are constantly distracted by the world?
What if I told you that part of expanding your mind was learning that true freedom is not being able to define it, would you believe me? Everyone tries to define freedom but are we really free if we have to do things or think about things to become it? Personal growth and true peace comes as a result of learning that each encounter and emotion has something to teach you about yourself and that no one thing will define the circumstance or you. Making sense of the situation while you are still experiencing it will cause you severe distress and anxiety which will lead to depression. Asking the right questions can help you but not as much as allowing can. My generation has witnessed hard work as well as the increasing spike of instant gratification and sometimes if you are not careful you can train your mind to not know the difference. You can train your mind to define every experience that you are having so much so that everything feels inauthentic to your spirit.
"I know the feeling, you have to do something. You have to change something radically because you cant stay like you are for another second, or you're going to explode". - Jennifer Echols
A good friend of mine recently told me that I am so used to going a 100 MPH that I don't even know how to discern the areas of my life that need to be sped up or slowed down. He said that I rather keep myself busy then give myself an opportunity to be vulnerable enough to think the thoughts that I want to think but more importantly feel the emotions that I need to in order to let go of situations where I am not in control. He reminded me of God's plan for my life amidst the uncertainty that I am facing.
Recently, I have been feeling like something is wrong with me. I have been feeling like I often scare the people that I am trying to get close to and it is an unsettling feeling - One that I have been feeling my entire life. A feeling that I dedicated most of my life to running away from in alcohol, drugs, pre-marital sex, partying, etc. So, where do I go from here? As he said this, my mind began to click and I heard the metaphoric safety lock on my mental cage explode. Its almost as if writing this inadvertedly is helping me as much as it may help you because I can decide right now to be free, I can decide right now to choose solitude and silence so that I can allow myself to be guided. So that I may allow my spirit to remember who I actually am as opposed to any interpretations from the outside world. I am unlearning the fact that people think that I am too sexy, get too much attention, a know it all, too opinionated etc.
Unfortunately, there is a long list of things for me to unlearn every second of every day and it stemmed from some of my family members. I grew up hearing these things so much so that now when I met people I have to be consciously aware of how open or closed I might be out of the sheer fear of being rejected and or chastised simply for just existing in my God given strength.
At this point in our lives, we have to be fully accepting of the fact that our journey to unlearning will unearth some deep wounds but we must find comfort in knowing that from those wounds our purpose will be ignited which will lead us to living a life completely different from the ones that we had envisioned. Having learned that, we will develop a stronger faith and will be able to turn our tests into testimonies. How can you solidify all that you read to jumpstart your unlearning process? Below are three simple ways.
- ALLOW - This is easier said than done and honestly - this will be the suggestion that everyone wants to bypass because it calls for inaction. It calls for you to admit that you don't always make the best decisions or say the right things. It calls for you to constantly hold yourself accountable even when it hurts you the most. Allowing is casting your ego to the side so that you can be silent but most importantly patient. Allowing is feared because society glamorizes activity as achievement so much so that doing nothing is considered to be useless. Allowing is such an underrated gift because without it we can never truly appreciate anything or anyone with depth. There is no real guidelines or timelines for allowance you just have to let go and that will take some time so give yourself the adequate amount of grace each day.
- GO THROUGH IT - I call this the "enlighten phase". If you break down the word it literally defines the word. Enlighten is essentially letting the light in even when you are at your darkest moments. Its sitting with the pain and actually dealing with the suffering because you know that ignoring an emotional lesson can develop into a life long trauma and the goal here is to not create or further a life that we have to numb ourselves from. The goal is to honor our strength and spirit by trusting in who we really are sans the distractions that we have been told will satiate our spirit with inner peace and happiness. The quicker you acknowledge your weaknesses and shortcomings the quicker they become attributes and qualities that make you who you are. Just go through it.
- BE PREPARED TO BE LONELY - You probably thought that I was going to say, Alright! Get on out there and show the world just who you have become!! No, at this point you probably don't even have the energy to show up for yourself and that's okay. Take your time. Getting rid of "Identities" and "Personalities" take a lot of energy so just rest. At this stage, life becomes quieter and for the first time you will start to feel really great within yourself however it appears that that feeling is short lived once the lonely isolated feeling sets in and it comes and goes because now, when you look around - you will see the familiar trapped souls that you once familiarized yourself with.. Only now they no longer understand you or can identify with you, so they judge you and move on.. Or worse they get upset with you for being different and healing yourself (through faith) despite your many efforts to help them achieve the same thing. Truthfully, this is the most painful part of the process. To let go of the people you thought you would experience a lifetime with is not an easy thing but its necessary because not everyone is willing to fulfill their purpose however if you are here -- You have subconsciously answered the call.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS MY OPINION AND IT DOESN'T MAKE ME SPECIAL. I JUST LIVE MY LIFE IN CONSTANT RUMINATION AND OBSERVATION. I SHARE MY LIFE IN THE HOPES THAT I CAN HELP OTHERS. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM DOING EITHER.
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