"EXHAUSTED? TRY RUNNING INTO A BRICK WALL THEN ANSWER. I’LL GO FIRST”.

Okay hear me out, I'm flat out exhausted. I mean the kind of exhausted that'll have you bringing your paper bag filled with groceries into your room with everything still skillfully packed in it... Uhm yeah, as I type this - I am scrummaging through said bag as I see fit diligently looking for another ginger beer because I need it.

 I digress... This is the type of exhaustion that will honestly have you so annoyed because EVEN IF you wanted to do something, you'd probably end up crying before you actually moved a muscle. Whenever I would hear about people going to the hospital for exhaustion I always scoffed because I thought that it was just dramatic PR stunts until it happened to me. Once I was so run down and bone-weary from minimal sleep and constant errands throughout the day that I ended up throwing up in the bushes by the end of the night. 

I was mortified however it was definitely a lesson for me to really start paying attention to my body so that I can properly care for myself.  I could probably write dissertations about how it took more than that story to really get me to succumb to a new lifestyle however I will just say this.. I am a high energy individual that will unintentionally give my energy to every soul that I meet and on top of that, I work like a mad genius (self-proclaimed - obviously!) successfully balancing multiple projects and aspirations at a time. I am almost always writing and if I am not writing - I am painting and so on and so forth. 

Now, I am in no way shape or form making excuses for myself I have just really begun to come to terms with myself being a workaholic? I'm not really committed nor convinced of the idea nevertheless my immediate family shared some really good points and key examples of my behavior so there's that. If you are anything like me, please slow down but keep reading naturally.

 

Now what am I going to do? From my bed? Alright, there are so many recommendations flowing from you, I can just feel it!! But please I beg of you, just wait until I have some energy. We were all thinking it!! No, just me? Awwww okay. In all honesty, I can do a lot from my bed because I can pretty much do everything from my phone. 

Just the other day I joked with my sister and told her that if I could put wheels on my bed instead of walking around I would. The bed is literally every homebody's haven!! With all jokes aside, I had to ask myself this question - How does one adequately rest? 

I'm sure that there are so many righteous internet gurus just waiting to give seminars and uproot your entire life just based off that one question. Well honestly, as you've probably figured out by now.. I just don't even have that type of energy. I'd rather just give you something to consider while you do whatever it is that you want to do anyways because my approach is that of "planting seeds" more than anything else.

INTERLUDE

I wrote this post after Covid but it couldn’t be more prevalent today. I was just getting back on my feet after having gone without working for a full year. (Thank you God for my healthy savings and frugal demeanor!) And when I tell you I was putting in the work.. it was almost as if I was making up for lost times. I was always working and always drained BUT always willing to help. I did not know when to SLOOOOW down. 

Fast forward to present day. I still don’t know when to slowwwww down and now that my precious little one is here.. the word “slow” seems like an insult. I know what you are thinking, “Oh my goodness! She’s feeding that baby from a brown paper bag in bed”!! No, but the mere image of that is hilarious.. *Clears Throat* 

This is serious, you’re right!

I want to point out the difference between my selves here and this is the perfect opportunity.

OLD SELF: I took my trauma and turned myself into a corporate powerhouse. I was every employers dream employee because I lived to be performance based as I effortlessly met my job duties day in and day out. I willing sacrificed myself to climb the corporate ladder.

PRESENT SELF: I’m working through my trauma because I realize that I was a highly functional depressed person who used my goals to suppress all of my feelings. But every now and then I do find myself battling my old self. When this happens I have to ask myself, “Who am I in this season that no longer requires ambition based performance”? Or “What do I do now that I can no longer rely on the pressure that I’ve endured in the past to help me in this present situation”? 

Some days I have an answer for myself. Other days I focus on moving forward by applying the three R's. What's that you say? Well read below to find out.

1. REST - Of course this seems like a given however how many can seriously say that they actually felt "rested" instead of depleted when they were called to action. (Action being non action in this case) When I say rest, I mean sleep as much as you can. Sleep with the intent of disconnecting from the outside world. Researchers say that the recommended amount of sleep will be varied depending on the individual, so it is imperative to assess your productivity and energetic levels in conjunction to the current amount of sleep that you get each night. If lack of sleep is part of the reason for your energetic burnout you might want to consider making it your main priority. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM) and the Sleep Research Society (SRS) suggest the following to help you achieve a serene sleeping environment; minimize the sound and light in your room (if you love candles or have invested in controlled lighting take advantage of that here), disconnect and unplug from all electronic devices (cellphones, laptops, tablets) at least thirty minutes before bed, invest in comfortable mattresses/bedding etc., and if you are really determined try coming up with a sleep schedule for yourself that you honor both during the week and on weekends. 
2. REJUVENATE - This might take some couth, but you most definitely have enough rest to achieve the goal. For this, you have to become more aware of yourself (your physical self) by incorporating more relaxation into your regimen. Pick activities that will center you such as spending time outdoors, drinking water, stretching etc. Adhere to your emotions by picking ventures that only appeal to you and are not influenced by anyone else. The Merriam-Webster definition for rejuvenate is to make young or youthful again, to restore sexual vigor in (as by hormones or an operation) or to cause or undergo a renewal of youthfulness. All in all, find ways to bring you back to the self that was carefree and lighthearted so please laugh more and journal so that you can feel balanced within the demands of rigorous schedules and responsibilities. If you do not have any calming hobbies now would be the time to figure out what eases your mind in times of stress and potential burnout. Spending a lot of time at home during the quarantine has shed light on the emphasis of creating a space that is both functional and beneficial to your mental health - When in doubt, redecorate your home! I also find that creating a soothing playlist and singing in the mirror is actually top tier, you should try it. 
3. RETIRE - Say it with me, FORGET all those judgmental (judgey wudgey) people who have something to say about me being in bed at 3PM or later still in my pajamas that are probably stained! Who cares if you haven't quite yet brushed your teeth or taken a shower, You don't! Rid yourself of the mentality that you have to CONSTANTLY and ALWAYS be doing something but most importantly rid yourself of the guilt that has become synonymous with certain aspects of self-care. Right here and right now, unlearn all of it! But, but of course these are all just suggestions because naturally you can do whatever you want. Now that you are rejuvenated and have gained the mental clarity needed it will become second nature for you to dismiss the things and people that are not in alignment with your restoration goals!

I came to the conclusion of the three R's out of complete desperation and honestly just recently started to actively implement them into my life due to sheer fatigue. I was so tired of burning the candle at both ends! So lethargic at the thought that my life had suddenly become a perpetual cycle of lackadaisical moments that left me feeling unfulfilled and overstimulated. I never had any real examples of how to "let up" or "pause" because I grew up and was raised by strong independent single women who always had to find their way and although these were generational strengths as a child, as an adult it turned very quickly into something that I had to unlearn if I wanted to have a healthy relationship with myself.

As you begin to implement the three R's into your life you will notice the enhanced clarity that you have gained due to the lack of brain fog that you no longer have. The implications of this practice will not only improve your psychological health but will also improve that of your physical health as well! With your headspace clear and your memory now resembling impeccable cognizance you now will have ample time to actually get to know yourself and identify the things that inspire you, make you happy, bring you peace etc. 

Slow down to truly enjoy the depths that merely existing has to offer. You will achieve a greater appreciation for life which will result in more success and inner strength. Sitting with yourself allows you to live from a place of honesty because at the end of the day slow living is intentional living. 

For everyone reading this, welcome to the best moments of your life. These are the moments that don’t seem like much but have the most impact. Stand up for yourself by vocalizing when and how you need the help because it not only takes a village to raise a child.. it also takes a village to maintain the willingness to adult! Read that again! 

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS MY OPINION AND IT DOESN'T MAKE ME SPECIAL. I JUST LIVE MY LIFE IN CONSTANT RUMINATION AND OBSERVATION. I SHARE MY LIFE IN THE HOPES THAT I CAN HELP OTHERS. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM DOING EITHER.