“VICE OR ADVICE?” THE ADVISED COLUMN

I don't think that there is an another human being that looks at themselves as thoroughly as I do before I leave the house so you can imagine how annoyed I feel whenever I have wardrobe malfunctions. For instance, on that day, I spent the better half of my day being told (and feeling) that my skirt was riding up in the back. The "skirt" aforementioned is a tennis skirt with shorts which was my only saving grace that day. I happen to really like the style however it just doesn’t work with my curves. Anyone else might have just counted it as a loss and might not have been as wounded as I was about it. Heres why I feel like my clothes betray me, childhood trauma. From the time that I got my period and hit a little growth spurt the world starting treating me differently. With my innocence already gone due to being molested as a child, I felt totally unprepared for what was to come. In middle school, I have had grown men try to take me home, follow me home and literally had a ...

It hurts but I’m going to do something with it, this dark night of the soul experience is hitting so differently right now because unlike the past my heart is no longer hardened instead my posture is being changed from “Savior” to simply “Jamela”. I couldn’t save him and even though my life is going pretty well (praise God) and I am finally happy in my own spirit.. I was oddly feeling guilty again because per the usual I felt like I didn’t deserve to be genuinely happy. I instead, deserved to have stayed in a situation that was killing me; hair falling out, massive weight gain with a cortisol belly, acne worse than an adolescent pre-teen and extreme restlessness..  So, why did I stay in a relationship that was never meant to last? Because, I’m obedient. Because, at the end of the day.. I had to truly learn the real meaning of boundaries, assignments and attachments.  Boundaries: Say no to any person, place or thing that makes me feel uncomfortable or compromised, walk away fro...

POV: I’m 34 & Friday the 13th  I was on my way from work when I drove right into a pothole. Despite my efforts to swerve around it.. the rain only lead my tire right into the corner of it which instaneously deflated on impact like a sad balloon. I yelled out sh*t then immediately felt ashamed because I don’t want to curse anymore. But goodness, really? I’m not mad. I’m not mad, I tell myself.  I drove about 2 miles before my car starting smoking and shaking. I kept praying come on please just let me get home. Well I didn’t make it, something told me to pull over and I did immediately and luckily so because my tire had looked like someone had eaten it. Another inch and my rims would’ve have been ruined and I’m pretty sure the alignment of my car too. I have so many things lined up with limited funds. How will I budget this?  My emotions were blank. POV: I’m 33; Early December 2023  I gave myself a pep talk that it was just going to be myself, Jesus and my family. ...

I don’t think highly of myself. I never have and I really think that that confuses people. I’ve been told that I’m mysterious and with every change it appears that I hide only to reemerge brand new.  It would seem as though that I live my life as if there was some truth to be revealed when in all actuality I just live. When my life calls for a transition I’m not concerned about involving anyone as I begin the lengthy and all consuming process of starting over. Instead I have learned to rely on God which typically means isolation.  Webster defines change as the following; To make different in some particular: Alter To make radically different: Transform To give a different position, course, or direction to To replace with another to make a shift from one to another - Switch To exchange for an equivalent sum of money To undergo a modification of To put fresh clothes or covering on The definitions were even broken down into transitive and intransitive verbs. So the word change is...

Webster defines the late bloomer as someone who becomes successful, attractive, etc. at a later time in life than other people.  Scientifically it’s defined as a child who goes through puberty later than their peers. It is also known as constitutional delayed puberty, and it’s the most common cause of late maturity.  So, why this topic?  A number of reasons but I guess the main one would be a question that I proposed about myself to myself.. (writers, am I right?)  Do late bloomers actually exist or are there just people who were born to be set apart and or different.. allowing them to break free from and surpass the matrix? Biologically, yes. I’m what would be constituted as a late bloomer because I promise you I didn’t get real boobs until I was 24 and then my body changed yet again at 28…introducing my child bearing hips.. Anywho, I’m the second oldest of my moms 4 children and somehow everyone always assumes that my younger siblings are older than me. So, in that...

There was a time when I couldn’t be trusted with disappointment. There was a time when I couldn’t see past my pain. Anger fueled my spirit allowing me to mismanage it all. It stole from me, took everything from me.. The most important thing being time.. How many times will I look back? How many times can I replay the same situation in my head when I know that the choices that I make affect too many people?! Can you hold me down without holding me back? Can you really and truly hold me down without holding me back? Hold me but please don’t hold me down only to suffocate me! Please?! Unanswered prayers, pain and heartbreak have led too many people down traumatic paths because they keep looking back to dwell in their own turmoil. Everyday they are choosing to be bound by their own “demons” continuously allowing their unhealed pain to invite darkness into their life prone heavy hearts. No more pain escape attempts No more pain escape attempts No more pain escape attempts So, how will we st...